We Are Family…

in Thoughtful Thursdays on January 20, 2022

I sincerely hope the video I posted (supposedly) above comes through for y’all. My niece, who is almost five, got an iPod for Christmas. To be honest, I didn’t know Apple still made iPods. This gift has come in most handy in facilitating play dates with my niece.

Play dates?

Yes. Play dates.

You see, my niece lives in California. I live in Texas. Traditional visits between the two of us, are extremely difficult to achieve on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. But, through the wonders of technology, we can have multiple play dates every week. The video above was taken by my sister, as I read Green Eggs and Ham to Chummy. Reading is not the only thing we do. Sometimes we have tea parties, or I just sit and watch her play with her Barbies. She always has something to tell me or to show me.

Last week, she called me for the sole purpose of telling on my sister! Evidently, she was not a fan of a yogurt drink that her mother was trying to get her to drink. So, she called me for help.

This back-and-forth that the two of us have made me think about some things. For starters, I grew up with multiple aunts, uncles, and grandparents within driving distance of my house. I always had cousins to play with and adults (besides my parents) to talk to. We all lived close, and we weren’t just close in distance, we were close in heart.

My kids, and my nieces don’t have all of those branches from the family tree to swing on. Why? We are all scattered across the country. How does that affect children’s growth? Or does it affect them at all?

The short answer is: Yes. Growing up without the influence of extended family does have an affect on kiddos…and not in a good way. I’ve done a lot of reading this week on this subject. Doctors and psychologists have been studying the relationship between kids and their extended family for decades. In everything that I read, the overwhelming consensus is: Active involvement from grandparents, aunts, and uncles make a significant positive contribution in the lives of younger family members.

That kind of seems like a no-brainer. But you’d be surprised at just how easy it is for long-distance relatives to slip through the cracks.

Between Apple, Android, Facebook, and Google, there are countless and seemingly endless opportunities to connect.

Take grandparents for example: Grandparents hold the key to understanding a family’s roots. They started the family, and therefore are an invaluable resource to the younger generations for passing on traditions, family legends, and hours of stories that begin with, “Back in my day, we didn’t…” My grandmother was the first person to tell me about the time my mother—my own mother—chased her younger brother around the kitchen table with a CAST IRON SKILLET, with the hopes of knocking him in the head! That, is family legend. I make my Thanksgiving turkey and dressing according to my grandfather’s recipes. That, is family tradition.

It is easy to see the importance of grandparents. But, what about the aunts and uncles?

Well. For starters, raising kids is a multi-person job. The old saying, it takes a village to raise kids, is 100% true. My mother was a single parent for a number of years. It was her siblings and parents and grandparents that stepped in to ease some of that load. Being an auntie is one of my favorite roles! I get to have all of the fun with my nieces, while dodging the bullets of the real discipline that rests on the shoulders of the parents.

When kiddos have strong, positive role models in the forms of aunts and uncles, they actually grow into more successful and stable adults. Think about this for a minute: We (as aunts and uncles) are a safe place to go when they need a friend, or some advice, or just want a play date at the movies. We are technically adults, but, we are not the parents. That makes the difference. When aunties and uncles are on the same page as the parents, we can offer the same advice the parents do, and know that our words will hit differently, simply because we are not the parents.

Our roles with extended family do get a bit more complicated as the miles between you grow. However, that does mean your presence and your influence needs to be neglected. If distance is in front of you, adapt. Here are five ways to interact, even if you cannot physically be there.

  1. FaceTime. Make video calls to your grandkid, niece or nephew. That is a wonderful way to not only stay connected, but also to SEE and be SEEN. Even toddlers can handle a video chat.
  2. Be intentional. We are all super busy; I get that. Most of us live or die by our calendars. Schedule a time to call, video chat, or a simple reminder to text one of your younger family members.
  3. Snail Mail. Kids LOVE getting things in the mail. Send a postcard, a package of stickers, or little note through the mail. Don’t forget birthdays and holidays.
  4. Plan a get-together. This works across all family members, from grandparents to aunts and uncles. Plan a “Cousin Camp” at someone’s house. The parents can drive or fly in, drop off their kids for a couple of days, and continue on with some alone time, all while the cousins are in the same place—having fun and getting to know their family that they don’t often see.
  5. Be persistent. Finally, just keep trying. Kids today are as busy as adults, but without the knowledge and experience of maturity. It isn’t (or shouldn’t) be up to the kids to reach out and try to grow relationships. That is our job. We are the grown-ups. If your relative is not texting you back, or cannot talk when you call, find out when a better time to do those things would be. Don’t give up. Kids’ worlds are extremely small. Most of the time, they can’t see past their own nose, let alone see anyone else. Just be there when they need you.

Extended family is super important. Don’t let miles rob you of relationships. Have a great weekend.