22 Feb
2017
Posted in: Giggles
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I Just Wanted To Sleep…

 

I know that things have been somewhat quiet on the blog-front lately.  What can I say?  My kids have been super well behaved lately!   No one has climbed on the roof.  No one has broken anything…no one has had any stand-offs with a teacher.  My seemingly never-ending supply of writing ammo had, in fact, run out.

Color me shocked, and if I’m being honest, a little disappointed.

Enter my husband, stage right.

Just when I thought I’d have nothing to share with the masses, the Man of my Dreams (the irony of that title will become apparent later) shows up in full Technicolor splendor.  Over the past several months, yes, I said months, I have had a significant amount of trouble sleeping.  I do not know why.  Some nights I go to sleep with no issues; but find my eyes WIDE open around two or three o’clock in the morning.  Other nights sleep doesn’t come at all, and I find myself held captive by the latest Home Shopping Network deal of the century.

Might I interest anyone in a family of yard gnomes?

Last night was a rare–exceedingly rare night–when sleep settled over all of me, including my ever-turning mind…until 3:38.  At 3:38 I was unceremoniously awoken by the ripping off of the comforter as the Man of my Dreams morphed into a super villain of nightmares.  What, you may ask, was he doing?

Looking for the dog.

We have two dogs: My big, fat 85 pound Golden Retriever…this was NOT the one he was desperately searching for…nope.  He was looking for the 10 pound miniature Dachshund, Faith, who had maneuvered her way up and into our bed.  Faith usually sleeps upstairs with our oldest child, but for some reason she was stuck downstairs.  To express her displeasure at being shut out of Ethan’s room, she decided to torment my husband, and by extension, me.

After several unsuccessful attempts to remove Faith from our bed, Jeff resorted to removing ALL of our bedding at 3:38 to find this most troublesome needle in our haystack.  She was then banished to the couch, and our door was closed.  All is well, right?

Wrong.

My sweet husband does not easily go back to sleep once pulled from his slumber in the middle of the night…especially after exerting excessive energy hunting for an elusive animal in the dark.  I cannot say that I was all that relaxed when Jeff climbed back into bed almost twenty minutes after this whole ordeal began.

He tossed and turned.

He shifted pillows…we have twelve on our bed.

He wanted to hold my hand….I was not really in the mood.

He tossed and turned some more.

He finally settled down.

I counted minutes…and seconds…and milliseconds….

Finally, my Prince Charming drifted back off to Dreamland.  Meanwhile, on the other side of the bed, I was awake.  Wide awake.

Here’s the deal: I’ve decided that my sweet hubby simply cannot be awake without me.  He doesn’t know what to do.  He, of course, denies this.  When he’s awake, he thinks I should be awake….so we can be awake together.

Isn’t that sweet?

No.

At 3:38 in the morning, I just want to sleep.  At 4:50 I got out of bed and moved to the couch.  I slipped out of bed, using the master ninja skills that I have perfected through the years, so as not to disturb my sleeping Prince, moved noiselessly through the bedroom door, and into the other room.  How?  I’m a mom.  It’s what we do.  Quiet is our middle name.

I have but one warning for my Prince, Honey, I really do love you.  I love our together time…but if you wake me up at 3:38 in the morning again, you AND the dog will both be on the receiving end of my ninja skills that have nothing to do with quiet stealth.

Here’s hoping your day is restful!

-Dallas

So, what do you think?