Mommy Blog

Cringe Worthy Mom Moments pt.1

in Giggles on May 4, 2016

Well folks, Mother’s Day is fast approaching! This Sunday scores of well-meaning children will shower their mothers with slices of burnt toast, spilled orange, and soggy cereal.  We will proudly wear macaroni necklaces and lovingly display ceramic hand prints for all who enter our houses to see.

We will feign rest on the couch, while our significant others try to accomplish the feat of maintaining order in our homes without too much structural damage to the house OR the children.

Yes, Mother’s Day…the one day of the year, where we, as Moms, can rest.

Today I would like to share with y’all a two-part post of my Top Ten Cringe Worthy Mom Moments.  These are my most epic mothering fails thus far…or at least while my kids were small.  They have turned in some whoppers here lately…but I won’t rehash those for you.  For today’s post, and one a little later in the week, I will share with you my Top Ten moments when I wanted to crawl in a hole and pawn my kids off onto anyone in the vicinity.  So, without further ado…here goes nothing…

#10. Several years ago, Silly Bandz were all the rage. My children were not immune to this phenomenon; however, my husband and I did try to limit the number of Bandz the kids could wear at one time especially on certain occasions–church, for instance. One Sunday morning as we were sitting in the second pew directly behind the preaching pastor, my oldest son, evidently bored with the service content, took off one of his Silly Bandz and began to play with it.  He quickly lost control of his band. We soon found out that Silly Bandz shoot almost as far as real rubber bands.  The escaped Silly Band zinged the pastor (who was sitting directly in front of Ethan) in the ear thus, making him jump, which made us jump, and therefore set off an eerie wave-like epidemic throughout the entire Sanctuary.

#9. Not to be outdone by his brother, my younger son (thankfully on a different week) realized that the new lighting in our Sanctuary cast a brilliant glow on the back of the pastor’s white robe when we stood up for prayer. Elliott also soon discovered how many different shadow puppets he could create on the back of our Senior Pastor. The people behind us were laughing so hard, the praying pastor, in the front of the congregation, had to stop and collect himself before continuing. I now have to sit my little puppet master on the outside of the pew.

#8. A few years ago on a cross-country drive from Texas to California to visit my parents,  the kids and I stopped for the night at a hotel in New Mexico. It had been a long day and I was in the bathroom getting my oldest son ready for his shower. When I walked out of the bathroom, I noticed that the hotel room was filled with smoke! The two little ones, while left unattended for all of a minute and a half, had managed to set the air conditioner on fire! They pushed all of the buttons on the A/C and heating unit causing the machine to over-heat. The hotel had to be evacuated.

#7. Since we are talking about fires, I may as well mention this one, too. While attending an academic competition at our kids’ school, we were all waiting for the next round to begin. Schools from all over our district descend upon one school to compete at various levels of math, science, music and art. The students and their families that are in between events usually wait in the cafeteria, as this is the only room on any given campus large enough to accommodate so many people.  That’s where we were…until the fire alarm was pulled. Brilliant. Five hundred people evacuated the area, while I rained questions down such as, “What were you thinking?!” and “Why in the world….” I was met with, “I just wanted to see what it would do.”
#6. Vivid dreams and sleep walking happen frequently in my house.  This was not a big deal until one of my boys began to sleep walk in the middle of the night on his way to the bathroom. It took me several weeks (apparently super-sleuth is not on my resume) to pin-point the exact source of the unmistakable aroma of stale urine permeating my entire house. My son, during his nighttime wanderings, consistently mistook his closet for the restroom thus, dousing the floor and the wall. Fantastic. We had to replace the carpet and repaint.

Nobody tells you when you are pregnant with your first child that things like this will happen to you.  There is no rule book…no guide book…nothing…zip.  You are completely on your own.  I am here to warn you!  I am here to protect your sanity; even though I am fairly certain that my kids are conspiring to drive me crazy.

So, there you have it.  The first half of my Top Ten.  I hope you enjoyed them.  Stay tuned for the second half.  Please share my blog with your friends.  Look around on some of my previous posts to see what my minions have been up to now that they’ve gotten older.

Post your comments below…I’d LOVE to know what your kids have done to you!  How Cringe-Worthy are your children?

Here’s hoping your moments are EPIC!

-Dallas