A Pirate’s Life For Me
in Giggles on October 11, 2016
I spend a lot of airtime poking fun at my kids and their antics…I’ve even been known to point a laughing finger or two at the Man of my Dreams…what can I say? My family simply provides me with ample material to write about, and quite frankly, telling all of you about it is WAY cheaper than seeing a shrink once a week.
Just so y’all know that I too, am not above reproach, allow me to share my latest and most epic adulting fail to date.
I poked myself in the eye.
Now, at first read, that doesn’t sound all that bad. All I can say is, wait for it…
I poked myself in the eye with MY OWN FINGER…which sent me to the EMERGENCY ROOM.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am truly that talented.
How does one accomplish such an awesome feat?
Allow me to explain. Most of you are familiar with Captain Destructo. For those of you who may be new to my site, she is my 80+ pound Golden Retriever. Well, Destructo and I were cozily sitting on the couch Saturday morning. I was having my coffee, and she was laying on the blanket I was trying to pull over my lap. As I mentioned, she weighs over 80 pounds…yes, I know, she’s obese…that’s beside the point.
As I pulled up on the blanket, my hand slipped off of the edge I was holding, and my glitter-covered-acrylic thumb nail flew into my right with a surprisingly extreme amount of force. After that little episode, I no longer needed my cup of coffee to wake me up; all of my senses were firing on all cylinders.
Twelve hours later, I convinced my sweet hubby that since I could not open my eye, nor shut my eye without unbelievable pain, we made a little trip to the ER. I must give the staff credit for doing a fabulous job at hiding their amusement as I had to explain (with hand motions) how I managed to injure my eye. However, once the doc took a look at the actual injury, he jumped back, and asked, “How exactly did you do this?”
One fat dog, one blanket, and one acrylic nail.
Truth: Beauty is pain.
So, here I am today. I can finally see out of my eye. Things are not as blurry today as they were yesterday. I go see my regular eye doctor in a few hours…and I will have to re-tell the entire story again. Terrific.
Here is your Public Service Announcement for today: Be careful out there ladies! Mascara wands are not the only thing that can do damage to those delicate eyes!
Good grief…I’m still shaking my head over this one.
Here’s hoping your day is pain free!
-Dallas